Hey! In case you missed last time, you’re receiving this because you’re a supporting force in my life; someone I’d like to stay in orbit with. Below, I share a bit about what life’s like these days.

Writing this is only 5% of the fun — I hope much more joy comes from the follow up walks and conversations I’ll share with some of you.

<aside> 🪐 Check-in: This is my third update from orbit. How are they going for you?

• About 15% of folks respond, and 90% read — thank you!
• Though there’s never an expectation to respond, I’d love to hear from the other 85% of you.
  • Just a “hi”, or a few words of feedback is deeply appreciated. Just text or hit reply.
  • If you’d prefer not to receive these updates, no worries. I know we’re all busy; you can let me [know here](mailto:[email protected]?subject=please%20unsubscribe%20me%20from%20your%20updates).

🍔 Planning on being in NYC soon? Doing a bbq on May 18 and would love to see you. **Partiful link here.**

</aside>

Let’s get into it.

What’s going on in my inner world

Self: Last time, I’d felt due for a check-in on whether I was living in line with my values.

• Did a self-calibration exercise¹ at the beginning of the year — I’m not much of a resolutioner.
  • Discussing results with long-time friends and hearing their own frames on reflection was clarifying.
  • Understanding how one’s inner world translates to the outer world, is fascinating to me — time very well spent. If you like this sort of thing too, do tell!
• I came away with more clarity on my core values and motivations:
  • Values: Agency, Curiosity, Levity
  • Motivations: To be at peace; To be valuable; To be time-rich; To play; To be connected; To be loved.
• OK, so what?
  • Lemme know if these align with your perception of me!
  • My evaluation is that things are going pretty well - closer to 8/10 than 6/10.
  • I feel limited by my energy levels. I think I need to manage my time and sleep better.
  • I also experience unwanted pangs of critical judgementalism, often a reaction to seeing people have “too much fun”. May be fueled by envy, or a self-defensive superiority complex. On examination, the feeling quickly fades, but the initial reaction is not rare.

Work: I’m very grateful for my work these days — specifically, its role as a powerful arena for my growth as a human.

• There’s a marked investment in teammates’ personal development, beyond what I’d label as necessary, or even reasonable, for corporate success.
  • Basically: the culture is the opposite of bullshitty, and is backed up by sincere leadership.
  • Small example: we brought in Sadie to facilitate fun, cutting exercises³ for team feedback.
  • Runway feels as much an experiment in building better teams, as it does better products. The leadership have all been on roller-coasters before, and understand the humanity of the ups and downs.
• By letting my guard down, I’m being pushed and growing faster than I thought possible:
  • I am often insecure about whether I’m actually being helpful, or am getting in the team’s way.
  • I reckon with weaknesses around concise communication, and being reticent in asking for help.
  • I shared the above with my team over the course of the aforementioned exercses.
    • Hearing and feeling others react to my articulations of fear and vulnerability, as well as hearing their own, makes constructive conflict, and collaborative resolution, remarkably easier — in a way that bottling things up would never have yielded.
  • To better support my team, I’m resolving to focus on more clearly messaging my thinking, which will require protecting time for deep work.
    • I’ll also check in with folks 1:1 instead of relying on “broadcasts” to get my ideas out.
    • Broadcasts, for me, are a crutch for not wanting to bother people and try to share everything in my brain at once.
    • I spend too much time on them, and they’re not very good, lacking clarity.
    • I’m realizing as I’m writing this, that this very email may be a similar crutch!
• It’s not lost on me how special it is to be working alongside one of my best friends.
  • It’s very underrated to have someone you can turn to and speak plainly about how things are going knowing that the shared trust runs much deeper than the office.
  • We’re also the two youngest members of the organization, which accelerates both of our growth to be able to learn from a team much wiser than us.

Social: While things are going smoothly, there’s a lingering feeling of detachedness I haven’t quite been able to shake, now 8mo into this chapter.

• Though I’m now seeing friends fairly regularly, what feels missing is a more visceral, active sharing of life; the vibes of just “coexisting” with friends.
• It feels like everyone is rowing along in their own solo canoe, with so much going on it’s hard to bring others along. Collisions are common when “planned”, but fleeting, and sparse — most people are part of several groups, disparate circles.
• I pour a lot of chaotic, frenetic energy into work, such that I yearn for more density and a slowness when spending time with friends. Instead of canoes, maybe I’d prefer something more like yachts?
• Across various conversations, I’ve concluded this sentiment isn’t unique; maybe the hard part is matching the right timing + energy with folks who specifically want to be more deeply engaged in my life, want me to do so in theirs.
• Also possible I just haven’t embraced enough of the newness of the city so far, and am hanging on too tightly to an idea of closeness with existing friends.

What’s going on in my outer world

Not too much lately! The past few months have been mostly spent hunkered down, focused on work.

• My big win is that I made it through the winter without buying a Big Black Coat.
• I saw someone in shock for the first time this winter — a friend had a freak ski accident and ended up fracturing both his fibia + tibia. They call it a "boot break". Seeing the waves of adrenaline wash over him and fade, punctuated by bouts of pain was a haunting experience, but there’s a first time for everything, I guess. He's doing alright.

In lieu of other substantive updates, I’ll leave you with an animal-style two truths and a lie:

1. A dog sneezed in my face on the subway;
2. A wasp fell into my fried rice as I was making it;
3. I nearly stepped on a dead rat in the crosswalk.

Hosting is rewarding, and something I want to keep a regular habit of.

• I was feeling pretty lonely in the fall, scared to reach out to friends, for fear of rejection, and because I was being lazy.
  • Over the holidays, I decided I just needed to get over it.
  • Doing so has been a ton of fun.
• So far this year, I’ve hosted 5-6 dinner parties of 6-10 folks.
  • These have been the “slow gatherings” I’ve craved — at home, and without the pressure of “what’s next”.
  • Food has always been a love language of sorts in my family, and I seem to be no different.
  • It also feels like no big deal for me to spend a full day cooking before people coming over.
  • Cooking is creative expression for me, and it’s a welcome, all-consuming change of pace for my brain, in contrast with work.
• With regards to hosting itself, themes from On Deck are coming together to make gathering folks in my off-the-clock life so much fun.
  • Especially how much a bit of expectation-setting lets people open up and creates a shared experience.
  • The most important ingredient here is the amazing people I have in my life. If you get great people in a room, you don’t need to add much else. This includes you!

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